Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconlverawrites: More from LVeraWrites


Featured in Collections

Prose by molasses0205

Writing by Miss-Chievous-Love

Writing and Stamps by poetrice


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
August 8, 2010
File Size
3.9 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
2,248
Favourites
76 (who?)
Comments
123

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
Diary of a Madman by L. Vera

July 31st

Dear Diary,

I left the apartment today to get some groceries and that old lady down the hall was staring at me again. Sometimes I think she knows.

Oh and there is a new tenant across the hall. She must have moved in while I was at the store. I caught a glimpse of her through her opened door. I only saw her beautiful blond hair draped over her blue t-shirt and her nice legs in a pair of tight blue jeans. The apartment was bright. I guess they have yet put up any blinds.

Diary, I got more pages done on that novel. I think this is the one. It's definitely better than my first novel. T. Casil is back and soon the world will know.


The urge to kill

rising again.




August 1st

Dear Diary,

I had a terrible dream last night. I was in a bedroom full of a white natural light. The bed was draped in flowing white sheets. Sarah was there dressed in a white dress. She sat facing away from me with her brown hair dancing over her naked shoulders. I floated over to the bed and lay down next to her. But as I touch her shoulder, she got up and; without even looking at me, walked out of the room.

The light slowly faded as I looked at the window. The moonlight shined out upon the grass of what seems like my childhood front yard. The moon's light followed her as she walked onto the front yard. The world slowly blackened. And as she left, so did all the light.

I woke up and I felt horrible. I went downstairs to check the mail. I thought maybe Sarah sent me a letter. Nope. I still felt bad as I walked back upstairs, till I finally had a chance to meet her.

Her name is Vanessa. She was leaving when I got to my door. I heard her door open and as I unlocked my door she hurried away with her arms swinging. And on her keychain was the name Vanessa.

The hunger subsided.




August 2nd

Dear Diary,

I spent most of my day staring through the peephole. I grabbed a bowl of cereal and stood there with one eye through the round little window. I gave up waiting for Vanessa around lunch time.

I sat down and wrote another chapter. I hated it. I just can't find the right words. It's this crappy typewriter. I need to get one those fancy computers.

I just wish I could write another best seller. Diary, you would have loved it. It was called To Sarah. It was a beautiful story about my childhood. My publisher did a wonderful job making money of it. Now he wants a sequel. But how do you write a sequel about your childhood? Do I write about my horrible college experience? Or how about Sarah? She hasn't talked to me since High School.

Anyways, I call this new novel To My Enemies.


The hunger grew a little today. I don't blame it.




Chapter 4 from the novel To Sarah

There was a knock on my door. It was Sarah crying.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" I asked her.

"I'm… moving away," she sobbed.

I stood there in silence. Was I a coward for not saying anything? But I knew there was nothing I could do. But I loved her. I loved her so much I can feel the pit filling with fear. I had to do something.

I showed up at her window a bit after the night came. I brought a backpack full of food and supplies.

"Sarah," I whispered.

"Sarah," I said louder.

She was beautiful as she rubbed her eyes to adjust to the light. She looked very flushed as if she was crying.

"What are you doing?"

"We are running away," I informed her.

"Are you crazy?"

"Crazy in love with you," I told her as I kissed her lips.
Please read July 30th first. [link]

Please fav this if you like it.

The next pieces are listed here:
Aug 3rd [link]
Aug 8th [link]
Aug 9th [link]
Aug 11th [link]
Aug 12th [link]
Aug 14th [link]
Aug 16th [link]
Aug 17th [link]
Aug 20th [link]
Aug 21st [link]
Aug 21st continued [link]
Finale: [link]

Download to your Kindle, iPad, or computer.
.pdf, .doc, .txt files found here
[link]
Add a Comment:
 
:icontriplebulle:
Triplebulle Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2011   Photographer
I like it so far, using diaries as "medium" is interesting and I guess hard. The beginning was well done maybe would have been better with a little bit more space for the 1st owner of the diary. When it comes to write the 1st page of a diary, I usually write hips and I am not the only one... that is from my point of view.
Then, I have the impression to be thrown in a killer head without clue what am I doing her. (how to explain....) the killer 1st page intro was awesome, we all wonder wtf just happened. Letting us standing in our wtf a bit longer would have bring more energy to the beginning. More, waou that guy got some issue here but who is he?
There is a really good idea here, but it would need to be deepened. And less straightforward ("Do I write about my horrible college experience?" psycho don't talk about their bad experience, at least not at the beginning)
But again, there is a really good idea and I'll read the next episodes to see how it will go...
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2011
thanks. please let me know what you think of teh rest as well. :)
Reply
:iconanightmareonmystreet:
ANightmareOnMyStreet Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2011  Student Photographer
It was good, i liked it, i just wish there would have been more detail...
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2011
there's more "chapters" to it.
Reply
:icondanikamilles:
DanikaMilles Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Maybe it's me but this line confused me T. Casil is back and soon the world will know.

and is Vanessa the tenant across the way?

Anyways it's a great read very intriguing
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
He use to be a popular writer.

and Vanessa is the one that moved in.

Let me know what you think of the ending. :)
Reply
:icondanikamilles:
DanikaMilles Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
oh ok thanx. Will do.
Reply
:iconsarinovaa:
Sarinovaa Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2011
....reading this at 2 am isn't as much of a good idea as I thought. It's gripping :) I'll have to keep reading tomorrow...or later today, sometime bright when the fucking wooden floors don't creak as much.
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2011
ha, I'm glad it's that captivating. :) thank you please let me know what you think when you finish the first book. I also sell a collected book/ebook here. [link]
Reply
:iconphotelle:
PhotElle Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Totally just fell in love with this story... therefore ur writing I suppose =D =D
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2011
thanks, I love comments like that. You also need to read some of my short stories as well.

Hardly Love At All
[link]
It's my first shot at a romance story. It also won third place in a contest.
Reply
:iconphotelle:
PhotElle Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
:clap: you're most welcome!!! =D totally will!!
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2011
ha, thanks. I also just released a free ebook today. Please take the time to download it. :) [link]
Reply
:iconsimina48:
simina48 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011
oh, nice!
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2011
:)
Reply
:iconmyamin:
MyaMin Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2011
Intrigante!
Reply
:iconrenegadeflyer:
RenegadeFlyer Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Awesome and mysterious at the same time, would love to know who that Sarah is... Great job with this part as well, continuing to describe the insanity of a man who considers his own insanity rational... You're a great author, it's not easy to managed with that :D Although you might go through the text again and check the grammar...
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011
I had an editor run through everything for the book version. I tried to at least fix the big stuff here but I haven't touched them in a long time. It was originally a weekly project. The sequel which just started is in it's third week.
Reply
:iconrenegadeflyer:
RenegadeFlyer Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
OK... Don't worry about it, there were just some small things I happened to notice, nothing big at all :)
Reply
:iconbunny106:
bunny106 Featured By Owner May 10, 2011  Student General Artist
this was truely beautifully written, the structure of the writing is intreaging and i admire your percision in being able to describe things so vibratly i could picture it all in my head nice job :)
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner May 13, 2011
thanks. The sequel starts on May 29th. The book version comes out May 27th.

What did you think of the cover? [link]
Reply
:iconbunny106:
bunny106 Featured By Owner May 14, 2011  Student General Artist
I like the cover i commented on the cover :) i like classic leather covers they make the book look classic <3
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner May 14, 2011
Have you seen the black one? [link]
Reply
:iconbunny106:
bunny106 Featured By Owner May 16, 2011  Student General Artist
i have now :D
Reply
:iconnyxknight16:
nyxknight16 Featured By Owner May 9, 2011  Student General Artist
it's getting exciting!! X3
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner May 10, 2011
thanks, let me know what you think when you finish.
Reply
:iconkitkitftw:
KitKitFTW Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Just a random fact that I learned through my writing: "anyways" is incorrect. It's actually "anyway", we just tend to tack on the s. =]
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2011
Eitherway, my editor made me get rid of every "anyway", except the ones sara uses in the book version. Thanks though.
Reply
:iconkitkitftw:
KitKitFTW Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
whoa...mega confused. Is it a guy or a girl? Is he gay? Last chapter (it)'s husband brought it a diary...now it's in love with a girl? I thought it was a girl?!?! Maybe I read something wrong..
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2011
The woman in the first piece is murdered and the murderer(man) picks up the diary and starts using it.
Reply
:iconlil-meka:
lil-meka Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
looooooooooooooooooooooooooooovee it
Reply
:iconfreespiritkrr:
freespiritkrr Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2011
I don't think this section lives up to your first section. You lose us in his writing-as-he-talks bit. I don't think speech diction is a solid indicator of madness (if that was your intent for it) but neither do I think he should be perfect in his writing - however, you do mention that he is writing a novel and indicate that he has been published before by saying he's back. That's a good way to name-drop but it just doesn't sit right.

I would cut "Oh and" from "Oh and there is a new tenant..."

You could put "The urge to kill rises again." as its own entry - shift the days down one. Does it have to end on a specific day? Or perhaps you could put it at the start of the entry and keep it one line. I don't see a significance to having it in broken lines.

"And on her keychain was the name Vanessa." Try, "The name "Vanessa" was on her keychain." It'll make the detail more noticed.

"...and stood there with one eye through the round little window." As in "...and stood there with one eye staring through the round little window."? I doubt he is literally shoving one of his eyeballs through the round peephole. x_x

I think you could have the hunger manifest images in the Madman's (I'm going to keep calling him that for ease of reference) mind's eye - like maybe he sees a splash of blood on her keychain or maybe he imagines that 'beautiful spark of life leaving' his victim's eyes - maybe he enjoys that. I'd like to see hints about why he likes killing in his entries. I want to get inside his head more.

It keeps a slight creeper element the way he is addressing the Diary as if it is a person, but the way it's written is like a letter. Maybe you could make them letters. Maybe he's just sending (or maybe saving) letters and there's a hint of people trying to find/catch him but there's never a return address, just the signs of the areas he's killing in or the profiles he aims for.

I would take another look at the section where you put in a chapter of his "bestseller" and do a few refining revisions. I can re-look at it and pick it apart if you like, but it just doesn't ring of bestseller material, unless you're trying to emphasize that he exaggerates?

I wonder why he's being so adamant about writing in the journal every day. If he's that adamant about it I think he should mention Sarah in every single journal.

Wait!

This suddenly makes me think of the movie Labyrinth with David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly. The way the speaker is obsessing about Sarah makes me think of Jareth the Goblin King trying to convince Sarah to forget Toby: "I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave." --Jareth, Labyrinth
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2011
"You remind of the babe"

I think you also need to keep reading. I've already fixed a lot of those errors, this version is a hard rough draft. I probably wont go back to fix these here. The corrections are in the book. But tell me hwat you think i enjoy reading your comments.
Reply
:iconfreespiritkrr:
freespiritkrr Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2011
I understand you may have fixed a lot of the discrepancies but I can only comment on what I see posted. I am reading piece by piece and commenting as I go.

I don't understand your last sentence. :confused:
Reply
:iconspacezillazon:
spacezillazon Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Man this person needs 2 things help and be in prison.

I hate things like this,no I'm not interested in reading more of it because one thing leads to the next and so on and it ends up making me madder so sorry but I can't read any more.

Good job on these though and good luck
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2011
Well, i appreciate the read. It's not as crazy as you think. Out of the whole 13 pieces he only kills two more people. It's more about his struggle with fighting the urge to kill. There's a sequel coming soon after I re-release this as a book.
Reply
:iconspacezillazon:
spacezillazon Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
your welcome than.okay,I hope that goes well
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2011
:) read this then and tell me what you think. It's my most popular piece. [link]
Reply
:iconspacezillazon:
spacezillazon Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Well I read it,it was interesting not bad.but when I read more of it I got the result,I figured it out
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011
:)
Reply
:iconspacezillazon:
spacezillazon Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011
Btw, have you read "Hardly Love At All". It's a newer piece that is featured today as a DLD. It's my second DLD so far. [link]
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconrockerbybaby:
RockerByBaby Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2011
Ok.. just to be bluntly honest.. I'm diggin' the black cover more than the brown.. Both are cool. What is the brown one anyway? How did you create that, if you don't mind?
& I wasn't even aware of the rest of your diary entries in this story! :excited: Moving on... :movingon:
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2011
Well, i'm releasing it as a book soon before i start the sequel here on dA. The black is for pre-orders and the brown will be released on lulu.com in mid-april. I really suggest reading the whole project and then read my journal for more info. :)
Reply
:iconrockerbybaby:
RockerByBaby Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2011
Sounds swell.
Most def! :)
Reply
:iconplatti:
Platti Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I really enjoy your writing style. It's slightly mysterious and questioning but yet defined. :3

Hmm, I kind of feel a sense of true craziness from him lol.

Great job :3
Reply
:iconlverawrites:
LVeraWrites Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011
thanks. I hope you finish the whole series. I plan on starting the sequel soon.
Reply
:icontoaorka:
ToaOrka Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
You can tell that despite the murders, this guy isn't totally insane. I'm curious about Sarah now, and I'm wondering if her leaving caused him to be the way he is now...
Reply
:iconkr07:
KR07 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2011  Student Writer
Ver nice piece, and well cared, too. The last scene was sweet, and apart from that my curiosity grew even more as to what this 'hunger' is reffering to. I hope I will learn soon enough at the next pieces. Moving on!
Reply
:iconperidot-magelette:
peridot-magelette Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2010
ooooh. this is interesting. i wonder what'll happen to the old lady? and vanessa?
Reply
Add a Comment: